The things I love are often random and not traditional. Everyone has their own way of feeling happiness and a sense of appreciation. I like the small things. Things so minute to others,theyfind my happy things ridiculous. But I don't care, if envisioning something that makes you smile is odd to others then eff them. To each his own. Here are my happy thoughts. My pixie dust. My secret desires and most of all the things that make me appreciate everyday a little more than the last.
I love sunshine. I love that on the coldest day of the year, that sun, my good friend, warms me.
Iced coffee. French vanilla flavoring. Extra cream and sugar.
Christmas trees.
White lights.
Family ornaments.
The troops fighting for me.
Music.
The thoughts of having a party.
Decorating
Pretty glasses and place settings.
Forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right.
Handkerchiefs as napkins
Teacups
Forget-me-nots.
The phrase"my heart is yours"
Sparklers.
Cute salt and pepper shakers
Eclectic kitchens
Love That Small talk is not small at all.
The cold side of the pillow
Baseball, Americas game.
Second,third and fourth chances
Singing as loud as I can
Lehigh valley hospital
The one I'm named after
A fresh sheet of looseleaf and a black pen.
You're an island to discover, explore.
A sizzling cold coke on a hot summer day on The most memorable front porch.
Warning signs.
Fate. Karma. Prayer.
Eskimo kisses
The tightest hug possible.
Closing my eyes tight and opening them to really see.
Even numbers.
Crossing my fingers and holding my breath.
Sparks.
The smell of freshly cut grass
,Gasoline and cigarette smoke.
The sound of a lawnmower
Scarves gloves and hats.
Streets stained from salt.
Journals
Aknowledging how blessed I am every day.
A wonderful family tree(both sides)
My brave cousin.
Writing a letter.
Getting a letter!
Pictures.
Pillows and blankets
My family
My opportunities.
My heart,health and mind.
But most of all,
My life.
Think about the things you love; big and small, and write them down. The good will always outweigh the bad. Keep it close and lean on it when you have a bad day. It will remind you of how far you have come and how far you will go.
Ktp. Goodnight.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Timing is everything
hello :)
i am NORMAL again! school is going well. i have been so disgustingly busy i only eat once a day! (gooooood thing) school is so much fun and challenging at the same time i didn't think it was possible! im making great friends that i feel will be with me for a long time. my patients have all taught me something along the way, and im only in the first semester.
side effect of school: Acne, my hair is thinning, losing weight( :) ), lack of sleep, lots of coffee consumption, callused finger from writing, and not being able to look at someone without assessing. But i love it. i love helping people and learning and making mistakes that ill never make again.
missy is still at school! yay! Her roomie was bothering her but now missy has adapted and learned to like rap music, hehe. she is making friends and they are planning on getting an apartment on campus next year which i think is great! im so happy she has come into her own and is now enjoying school. we dont hear from her all that much, so that must mean she is ok. If we did hear from her she would be complaining so ! yay!
So recently i was asked to go on a bagel date with a boy i used to talk to from about 2 years ago. out of the blue he commented on one of my statuses on facebook and from there it went. he texted me and the next day we went for breakfast food at 3 in the afternoon (french toast, the way to my heart). so that went off well, we were there for three hours and didnt even realize it. i couldnt even tell you what we talked about but there was not one minute of awkward silence or even a pause in speaking. it was a perfect breakfast date. so with my mouth full of a heaping amount of french toast he told me he was moving to california for a job (cars screeching to a hault was what i could hear). i just sat there and shook my head, was supportive and thought "you asshole!!!!". so from that day we spent pretty much everyday together or doing something or talking for a week until he left. we went to a halloween party together, he came to my house for trick or treating, i went out with him and his friends, met his mom and sister, helped him pack the night before he left. and as i was leaving he said "up until a week ago i had no doubt in moving to california, but now i do". "ASSHOLE!!!!" i was thinking again.
the story is its never been the right time for he and i. when we met i had just broken up with someone and he was nearing the end of a bad relationship, and he had just come home from school, and bad things with his parents. we were just not in good moods. ha. so when he finally got out of his funk he texted me one day and asked me out on a date and my reply..."i'm sorry. I live in philadelphia now." i later found out that he regretted everyday of his funk and he was so nervous to talk to me and wished he asked me out 2 years ago.
SOOOOO, we talk everyday and he is enjoying cali. if money permits, ill visit him on my christmas break because he will not be coming home. at all. so, we arent dating because that would be impossible. we are just keeping in touch. and when he gets rich and famous he'll fly me out there every weekend haha.
thats all ill say about that.
Danny will be home in december for 17 days then will be deployed in jan/feb sometime. we have plans to get more tattoos and go drinking and visiting family and such. we are having a hugeeee party for him the day after christmas as a "going away" party, but there will be an even BIGGER one for when he returns safely home. which he will. he will. he will. hopefully the new mexico crew can attend somewhere along the way. i'll use my financial aid check money to fly whoever needs money out here! I AM SERIOUS! I hope they can make it. i hope. i hope.
im going to search for some tattoo ideas! ill update soon <3
ktp.
i am NORMAL again! school is going well. i have been so disgustingly busy i only eat once a day! (gooooood thing) school is so much fun and challenging at the same time i didn't think it was possible! im making great friends that i feel will be with me for a long time. my patients have all taught me something along the way, and im only in the first semester.
side effect of school: Acne, my hair is thinning, losing weight( :) ), lack of sleep, lots of coffee consumption, callused finger from writing, and not being able to look at someone without assessing. But i love it. i love helping people and learning and making mistakes that ill never make again.
missy is still at school! yay! Her roomie was bothering her but now missy has adapted and learned to like rap music, hehe. she is making friends and they are planning on getting an apartment on campus next year which i think is great! im so happy she has come into her own and is now enjoying school. we dont hear from her all that much, so that must mean she is ok. If we did hear from her she would be complaining so ! yay!
So recently i was asked to go on a bagel date with a boy i used to talk to from about 2 years ago. out of the blue he commented on one of my statuses on facebook and from there it went. he texted me and the next day we went for breakfast food at 3 in the afternoon (french toast, the way to my heart). so that went off well, we were there for three hours and didnt even realize it. i couldnt even tell you what we talked about but there was not one minute of awkward silence or even a pause in speaking. it was a perfect breakfast date. so with my mouth full of a heaping amount of french toast he told me he was moving to california for a job (cars screeching to a hault was what i could hear). i just sat there and shook my head, was supportive and thought "you asshole!!!!". so from that day we spent pretty much everyday together or doing something or talking for a week until he left. we went to a halloween party together, he came to my house for trick or treating, i went out with him and his friends, met his mom and sister, helped him pack the night before he left. and as i was leaving he said "up until a week ago i had no doubt in moving to california, but now i do". "ASSHOLE!!!!" i was thinking again.
the story is its never been the right time for he and i. when we met i had just broken up with someone and he was nearing the end of a bad relationship, and he had just come home from school, and bad things with his parents. we were just not in good moods. ha. so when he finally got out of his funk he texted me one day and asked me out on a date and my reply..."i'm sorry. I live in philadelphia now." i later found out that he regretted everyday of his funk and he was so nervous to talk to me and wished he asked me out 2 years ago.
SOOOOO, we talk everyday and he is enjoying cali. if money permits, ill visit him on my christmas break because he will not be coming home. at all. so, we arent dating because that would be impossible. we are just keeping in touch. and when he gets rich and famous he'll fly me out there every weekend haha.
thats all ill say about that.
Danny will be home in december for 17 days then will be deployed in jan/feb sometime. we have plans to get more tattoos and go drinking and visiting family and such. we are having a hugeeee party for him the day after christmas as a "going away" party, but there will be an even BIGGER one for when he returns safely home. which he will. he will. he will. hopefully the new mexico crew can attend somewhere along the way. i'll use my financial aid check money to fly whoever needs money out here! I AM SERIOUS! I hope they can make it. i hope. i hope.
im going to search for some tattoo ideas! ill update soon <3
ktp.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Friday night
Friday night. 10:30. And I'm alone. The perfect relationship I had for one year and 4months ended a couple nights ago via phone call. It wasn't a surprise, we both knew it was coming but still, the pain and sadness this brings to me is terrible. We both had changed inside, just I could no longer make him happy. Just a genetic flaw with him and me, a die hard optimist, became exhausted. To wait all day for a phone call and when it comes and he sounds miserable I asked myself why do I even get excited? I brought something out in him that brought out all his regret. (bad or good I have not decided, I'm leaning towards bad). I guess this came out because I let him do what he wanted. I never tried to control him or tell him to do something with me. I was selfless. I listened to his music, gave up scary movies and even ate his scrambled eggs. Which is a big deal to me. And I did those things because I wanted to. Because that's what love is. Give and take. Sacrafice and compromise. He now feels he has missed everything important in his life and because I asked him to have an idea of a job for life I pressured him and made his life feel over. (this is not the reason as why it ended)He has to just live the day and that's it. He wants nothing to do with thinking ahead. I suppose it was for the best and this happened for a reason but still, my poor little heart. I can't have the words "are you okay?" or "it will work out" without my bottom lip quivering and the back of my throat catch fire. So I try to act normal and strong but god is it draining. I just miss the normality of being with him. But, I'm fine. My momma bear has taken good care of me and nana bird and thank god for nursing school. Thank god for coffee runs and giggle fits. Thank you god for my little jack. Thank you barnes and noble establishment and thank you again coffee runs. Oh, and I bought a mouthguard for sleeping purposes. Today marks the day of the rest my life as a single weirdo. Lol. ( I know, I'll be fine). I'll be back soon. I'm going to boil my mouthguard into shape. And yes, I am aware things could be worse. I know. It could be so much worse.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
you know the song...
well...its been quite some time since i have blogged, whats new? my nanabirdie is home and right where she should be, in the lovely land of green acres. andd missy just graduated from high school. she is now officially a college student. which is totally weird to me but ill continue.
in the tradition of catholic schools in the process of graduation there are a baccalaureate mass and the commencement ceremony. both of which were held in the same place, kings college gymnasium. a couple words about that- No air conditioners, no fans, 1,000+ people, fighting tears, and a stifling hot 98 degrees..inside! now the first 3 things are legitimate but the 4th in my family is a real problem. we fight back the tears and crying and down comes the sweat. but if you hold it in to long then you get dizzy and sick, or me i get migraines not to mention the now fuchsia hue that will soon develop.
moving on. mass i sat next to my dad and we placed bets on which person was the next to passout (because there were several that did). we had at least 14.7 trillion dollars on the guy across the auditorium with the purple shirt on that matched his sweaty purple bald head. a couple inferences about this man...one-he is bald for a reason.. stress. AKA high blood pressure. two- he should NOT have worn a purple shirt. three- he was double fisting waters like a camel...if they had hands. therefore the sweat just kept coming and color more saturated.
we watched him for a little bit and got bored so we looked around for another victim (all during the 99 hour mass). i came across a man with his head down. hmm...assess. it looked as if he was reading from a book, but no book. also, was not quite sure he was even breathing. we watched and waited for just a slight movement because no human could fall asleep in a position that awkward. so i started to get a little worried and looked for his wife. she was blubbering her flirty eyes towards the new bishop. they were lady gaga for him... ayy.
finally a hand twitched and he was out of the v-fib woods. we are 0 for 2 now.
little did i know, the kid behind us was threatening to throw up because he didnt feel well. good thing he was sitting behind my dad, that would have sparked some life into comatose man. chunks on the back of my dads bald head (stress)(probably my sister and myself) (most definitely my mom too)... it would not have been the first time chunks were on his head and in his ear and down his neck though... that story at a later date.
then graduation night... i had to set the scene for everyone! we waited for her boyfriend outside till a quarter to and he still wasnt there. we waited because we had his ticket. but we need to understand how the perpetually late persons mind works. every family has one. my aunt cathy is our families. brandon is his families. danielles entire family is the late one. you catch my drift. my point, waiting outside he never showed so we went in. my dads bp was a little elevated (he hates being late) i had to explain to him that brandon will be late to his wedding, his funeral and everything in between. I dont know if these people think they set their watches 35 minutes ahead and they really didnt? maybe a catscan or MRI would give us the answer...my guess is not.
we hear that song start... you know the one. Doo do do do dooooo doooooo doooooooo do do do doooo.....dummmmm dum dum dum duuuuuummmm dummmm... deeeee dee dee de ^deee .. la la la.. duuuuuuhhh duh duh duh duuuuhhhh duhhhh...
(im odd)
so the tears start coming, im feverishly using the program as an 18th century fan on myself, havent even had the time to read it. so i struggled through the song an then im hit. Blindsided. THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. Christ almighty they are trying to kill me, i thought to myself. little thing about this song... it is everything my pop was about. when i cheered in high school, he was adamant about me having my hand on my heart. i was the only one in the cheer line to do it but it made him proud so i did it. even when no one else was and they yelled at me for not being uniform, i said to them then follow me and be f*ckin* uniform. uniform my ass... we looked like strippers half the time.
anyways, any time this dam song in played i cry, my mom cries, i cry harder she cries harder. its a vicious cycle. we get through that...barely. its like this. the national anthem is my families kryptonite. they play it, we cry. totes could throw someone off royally in speaking of defense mechanisms.
so they yakkity yak(dont talk back..like the commercial)...blah blah then the names come. missy was third and we recorded her walk across the stage...very cute. we were asked not to yell by the staff and we obeyed (stupidly) because everyone else yelled and clapped....shit. after everything we went out for a nice dinner.. missy brandon me nana dad mom and andy. kendall was watching jack for us. it was a very sucessful day and i was and am very proud of my missy girl. she will always be my little sister to me no matter how old she is. i love my sissy <3
in the tradition of catholic schools in the process of graduation there are a baccalaureate mass and the commencement ceremony. both of which were held in the same place, kings college gymnasium. a couple words about that- No air conditioners, no fans, 1,000+ people, fighting tears, and a stifling hot 98 degrees..inside! now the first 3 things are legitimate but the 4th in my family is a real problem. we fight back the tears and crying and down comes the sweat. but if you hold it in to long then you get dizzy and sick, or me i get migraines not to mention the now fuchsia hue that will soon develop.
moving on. mass i sat next to my dad and we placed bets on which person was the next to passout (because there were several that did). we had at least 14.7 trillion dollars on the guy across the auditorium with the purple shirt on that matched his sweaty purple bald head. a couple inferences about this man...one-he is bald for a reason.. stress. AKA high blood pressure. two- he should NOT have worn a purple shirt. three- he was double fisting waters like a camel...if they had hands. therefore the sweat just kept coming and color more saturated.
we watched him for a little bit and got bored so we looked around for another victim (all during the 99 hour mass). i came across a man with his head down. hmm...assess. it looked as if he was reading from a book, but no book. also, was not quite sure he was even breathing. we watched and waited for just a slight movement because no human could fall asleep in a position that awkward. so i started to get a little worried and looked for his wife. she was blubbering her flirty eyes towards the new bishop. they were lady gaga for him... ayy.
finally a hand twitched and he was out of the v-fib woods. we are 0 for 2 now.
little did i know, the kid behind us was threatening to throw up because he didnt feel well. good thing he was sitting behind my dad, that would have sparked some life into comatose man. chunks on the back of my dads bald head (stress)(probably my sister and myself) (most definitely my mom too)... it would not have been the first time chunks were on his head and in his ear and down his neck though... that story at a later date.
then graduation night... i had to set the scene for everyone! we waited for her boyfriend outside till a quarter to and he still wasnt there. we waited because we had his ticket. but we need to understand how the perpetually late persons mind works. every family has one. my aunt cathy is our families. brandon is his families. danielles entire family is the late one. you catch my drift. my point, waiting outside he never showed so we went in. my dads bp was a little elevated (he hates being late) i had to explain to him that brandon will be late to his wedding, his funeral and everything in between. I dont know if these people think they set their watches 35 minutes ahead and they really didnt? maybe a catscan or MRI would give us the answer...my guess is not.
we hear that song start... you know the one. Doo do do do dooooo doooooo doooooooo do do do doooo.....dummmmm dum dum dum duuuuuummmm dummmm... deeeee dee dee de ^deee .. la la la.. duuuuuuhhh duh duh duh duuuuhhhh duhhhh...
(im odd)
so the tears start coming, im feverishly using the program as an 18th century fan on myself, havent even had the time to read it. so i struggled through the song an then im hit. Blindsided. THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. Christ almighty they are trying to kill me, i thought to myself. little thing about this song... it is everything my pop was about. when i cheered in high school, he was adamant about me having my hand on my heart. i was the only one in the cheer line to do it but it made him proud so i did it. even when no one else was and they yelled at me for not being uniform, i said to them then follow me and be f*ckin* uniform. uniform my ass... we looked like strippers half the time.
anyways, any time this dam song in played i cry, my mom cries, i cry harder she cries harder. its a vicious cycle. we get through that...barely. its like this. the national anthem is my families kryptonite. they play it, we cry. totes could throw someone off royally in speaking of defense mechanisms.
so they yakkity yak(dont talk back..like the commercial)...blah blah then the names come. missy was third and we recorded her walk across the stage...very cute. we were asked not to yell by the staff and we obeyed (stupidly) because everyone else yelled and clapped....shit. after everything we went out for a nice dinner.. missy brandon me nana dad mom and andy. kendall was watching jack for us. it was a very sucessful day and i was and am very proud of my missy girl. she will always be my little sister to me no matter how old she is. i love my sissy <3
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
blogging from wireless network holder "NanaBird"...
just a short blurb, sorry i have not been around. i am currently watering plants, collecting mail and airing out Nanas apartment on holiday drive. when i walked in i could barely smell her here, (it's time to come home@!#%#(&) lol,i paced around and made sure no one was hiding in here with a knife, then looked around.
went to her bathroom, looked through her remaining makeup and what not, tried to see what she thought you would not need on her 3 month adventure. played with her perfume sprays and hairspray. I ust love the stuff she has in her medicine cabinet.
made my way into her room, said hey to my pop pop, checked in her closet (for the man with the knife) gave a quick wave to the box and made my way out. tried to turn the tv on, to no avail.
i sat down at the dining room table and tried to hack into her wireless account. I did not know the password... but eventually figured it out, only after trying 4 different possibilities. Thanks Nana bird, we are connected via ESP, 3,000 miles apart and we still got it : )
the buzzer just went off and its my mom and jack. Jack looked at me and said hi ya-ya, where is Nana???
She's not back yet, still with uncle wicky... she will be home soon. he said.."but whyy?? " He is in the "Why" phase. great.
Jack just went into the closet to get his box of toys and said "Hello Pop" and gave a little knock. My mom and i had a cute chuckle. Then, carrying his huge Tupperware of toys yelled "Thanks there Pop"... my job of keeping him alive and around is paying off. Jack wouldn't remember him, but Pop sure remembers his jacky boy. which is why jack will forever say hello to pop in the the box and give a little knock.
anyways, i sorted the mail, letters magazines brochures then the catholic light newspaper and then finally her apartment complex newsletters and such. 4 or 5 different piles for my Nana bird because i know she likes order. about 40 gossip magazines which i will start to read right now. love to all and all is well...
ktp.
went to her bathroom, looked through her remaining makeup and what not, tried to see what she thought you would not need on her 3 month adventure. played with her perfume sprays and hairspray. I ust love the stuff she has in her medicine cabinet.
made my way into her room, said hey to my pop pop, checked in her closet (for the man with the knife) gave a quick wave to the box and made my way out. tried to turn the tv on, to no avail.
i sat down at the dining room table and tried to hack into her wireless account. I did not know the password... but eventually figured it out, only after trying 4 different possibilities. Thanks Nana bird, we are connected via ESP, 3,000 miles apart and we still got it : )
the buzzer just went off and its my mom and jack. Jack looked at me and said hi ya-ya, where is Nana???
She's not back yet, still with uncle wicky... she will be home soon. he said.."but whyy?? " He is in the "Why" phase. great.
Jack just went into the closet to get his box of toys and said "Hello Pop" and gave a little knock. My mom and i had a cute chuckle. Then, carrying his huge Tupperware of toys yelled "Thanks there Pop"... my job of keeping him alive and around is paying off. Jack wouldn't remember him, but Pop sure remembers his jacky boy. which is why jack will forever say hello to pop in the the box and give a little knock.
anyways, i sorted the mail, letters magazines brochures then the catholic light newspaper and then finally her apartment complex newsletters and such. 4 or 5 different piles for my Nana bird because i know she likes order. about 40 gossip magazines which i will start to read right now. love to all and all is well...
ktp.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
tech center nights ...
everyday i think of awesome things to write about or ask and when it comes to sitting down and writing them i can't remember a thing! how annoying.
i'll start with there only being 8 class days left... homework is piling up and the stress is building. i had my last biology lab tonght and it was a wonderful feeling. just a taste of what it will feel like when all my classes are my last. i'm so ready for summertime and being with my jacky boy and family...and best of all i'll be making money again. yay! : )i just spent the past 3 hours in the tech center studying for my math exam tom. i'm trying so hard in this stupid freaking class.. it's sad but all i want is a C or better. grr... frustrating. i hate math... let me repeat. I HATE MATH. i'm almost done...i'm almost done. lol. this coming friday i have my africa current events project due. it originally started out to be a 10 minute speech and a 5 page paper. it has now dropped to a 3-5 minute speech, powerpoint and a 1 page summary. my topic is adoption policies and problems in Ethiopia. heads up joe teel, they are shady over there...(haha)
let me premise the africa class... i sit in the back row with the only other white kids. (3) in total. no big. my teacher is from Ghana and i MUST address her as aunty nanna. her name is Nanna Abarry. she has a thick accent and she does not know which words to use to express what she is talking about. so the whole class is wheel of fortune, african themed. i text three people during this calss... Kendall who enjoys what they are trying to brainwash me with. My mom, who prays for me and tells me to keep quiet and Danille who tells me i need to be placed in a hippie class. i totes agree with her. in this class we have taken 2 tests. but she swears they are only quizzes. last week we just took our midterm. with 2 weeks of class with. the point of a midterm is a test given MID-TERM. now we are starting the presentations on friday. 30 kids in the class and one full week of class left. not getting done. and ps, still have to take 1 more quiz then the final. this woman is delusional. its comical. what is my plan you ask? the white freckled irish girl that sits in the back row drawing her mermaid tatto? tell the teacher my step-step-step-whichever it is grandfather is the descendant of a royal french family heralding from the ivory coast. where they perfom blessings and naming practices... the whole kit and kaboodle. a whiteys gotta do what a whiteys gotta do. i have no shame. please don't judge ...
so it is now 2am and i am still lingering at the tech with LaBra and bunnie, who have taught me everything i needed to know about african american hair. let me tell you, i have learned the ways of the weave,lace front weaves,tracks,pieces,and just straight up wigs. not to mention micros, dookey braids and twist offs. i rock the memebers only jacket of the hair world. lol. if you have some spare time, and looking for a window into the world of hair, i suggest watching Chris Rocks movie "good hair". i laughed my ass off.
i must say, i would not change a thing about my decision about coming here. i know it was a very expensive mistake (and potentially dangerous) but i would never have been able to rest peacfully without giving this a try. i have made some really great friends and plan to keep them. i am not afraid to visit, its just too much Philly is a lot to handle for me. i like being able to visit for a weekend then get to go home to a safe and clean environment. lol... snobby?
This past week was the three year anniversary of the shootings at Virginia Tech. My friend Priscilla from Immaculata,well her brother was the last to be killed by the killer. he was a member of the ROTC and he was going to take down the assailant but was caught in the cross fire. It took her a very long time to tell us about her brother being there. she only told a few of us late one night in the chapel on school ground. we found her there alone just sniffling quietly. it was a sad night and i realized everyone has shared in [pain], not the same circumstances but still a broken heart. from that moment on i knew exactly what to say to her and how to comfort her. i am good with stuff like that. i love her dearly and i sent her my favorite poem "all is well". gets me through the dark days, i figured it would help her. she was greatly appriciative.
i miss my nana bird oh so much,along with my entire family that i havent seen in months. the lost crusades, my marine and benyamin, uncle doughnut and derranged(ssssh...haha). i just wish we didn't live so far apart from each other, but i guess thats life. just know that i miss you all terribly.
MAY 15th,2010..... mountain cleanup! Water comes on and everything!!! WOOOOO : )i hope to someday own that house and if not that house then some land and ill build a little cottage, just to keep the good karma going. when i'm up there, i really do feel at peace. i don't miss him as much because i just feel him around. fires and being under the shelter. late nights and drinking. good music and wonderful friends. my throat is burning from fighting back the tears, lol. then again i could blame my red eyes on the hour of earlyness. weird thing, people are just getting here... WHY?!?!? go the fuck to bed! you should have gotten here at 11 so you could be leaving by now!
i'm done with the rant.
i just find myself emotional again. anything could tip me over, its weird. i always cry on my way home from Philly. there is this one billboard and it says "Lehigh Valley is the number one heart health center, We save lives". i can only tear up and thank god that that billboard is true. i am blessed, we all are blessed. we would all be different without that certain woman in our lives, not just her kids and husband. its truly extraordinary the events those 48 hours were. that whole week actually. just amazing, a true miracle.
i guess i get so emotional because ITS SUCH A BORING DRIVE! haha, and no one will talk to me because i am driving.(BS) and i def. won't text, i know better than that.
our jack was a gift, a life saving gift. that is why he has the biggest piece of my heart, and why i will always be there for him. (burning throat again...)
lighter note, this weekend is Blue and White at penn state. i am going with danielle,kendall and mickey. kendall and mick have never been there and danielle and i can navigate with an entire keg in our systems,hot ass magellans, so we will definitely show them a fun time. good thing its a one night gig, i usually can't stomach two nights there. lol.
well, 2:30 has come and past. i should be getting home, but im highly caffeinated.
im the fresh uncle doughnut. : )
until next time... all my love
ktp.
i'll start with there only being 8 class days left... homework is piling up and the stress is building. i had my last biology lab tonght and it was a wonderful feeling. just a taste of what it will feel like when all my classes are my last. i'm so ready for summertime and being with my jacky boy and family...and best of all i'll be making money again. yay! : )i just spent the past 3 hours in the tech center studying for my math exam tom. i'm trying so hard in this stupid freaking class.. it's sad but all i want is a C or better. grr... frustrating. i hate math... let me repeat. I HATE MATH. i'm almost done...i'm almost done. lol. this coming friday i have my africa current events project due. it originally started out to be a 10 minute speech and a 5 page paper. it has now dropped to a 3-5 minute speech, powerpoint and a 1 page summary. my topic is adoption policies and problems in Ethiopia. heads up joe teel, they are shady over there...(haha)
let me premise the africa class... i sit in the back row with the only other white kids. (3) in total. no big. my teacher is from Ghana and i MUST address her as aunty nanna. her name is Nanna Abarry. she has a thick accent and she does not know which words to use to express what she is talking about. so the whole class is wheel of fortune, african themed. i text three people during this calss... Kendall who enjoys what they are trying to brainwash me with. My mom, who prays for me and tells me to keep quiet and Danille who tells me i need to be placed in a hippie class. i totes agree with her. in this class we have taken 2 tests. but she swears they are only quizzes. last week we just took our midterm. with 2 weeks of class with. the point of a midterm is a test given MID-TERM. now we are starting the presentations on friday. 30 kids in the class and one full week of class left. not getting done. and ps, still have to take 1 more quiz then the final. this woman is delusional. its comical. what is my plan you ask? the white freckled irish girl that sits in the back row drawing her mermaid tatto? tell the teacher my step-step-step-whichever it is grandfather is the descendant of a royal french family heralding from the ivory coast. where they perfom blessings and naming practices... the whole kit and kaboodle. a whiteys gotta do what a whiteys gotta do. i have no shame. please don't judge ...
so it is now 2am and i am still lingering at the tech with LaBra and bunnie, who have taught me everything i needed to know about african american hair. let me tell you, i have learned the ways of the weave,lace front weaves,tracks,pieces,and just straight up wigs. not to mention micros, dookey braids and twist offs. i rock the memebers only jacket of the hair world. lol. if you have some spare time, and looking for a window into the world of hair, i suggest watching Chris Rocks movie "good hair". i laughed my ass off.
i must say, i would not change a thing about my decision about coming here. i know it was a very expensive mistake (and potentially dangerous) but i would never have been able to rest peacfully without giving this a try. i have made some really great friends and plan to keep them. i am not afraid to visit, its just too much Philly is a lot to handle for me. i like being able to visit for a weekend then get to go home to a safe and clean environment. lol... snobby?
This past week was the three year anniversary of the shootings at Virginia Tech. My friend Priscilla from Immaculata,well her brother was the last to be killed by the killer. he was a member of the ROTC and he was going to take down the assailant but was caught in the cross fire. It took her a very long time to tell us about her brother being there. she only told a few of us late one night in the chapel on school ground. we found her there alone just sniffling quietly. it was a sad night and i realized everyone has shared in [pain], not the same circumstances but still a broken heart. from that moment on i knew exactly what to say to her and how to comfort her. i am good with stuff like that. i love her dearly and i sent her my favorite poem "all is well". gets me through the dark days, i figured it would help her. she was greatly appriciative.
i miss my nana bird oh so much,along with my entire family that i havent seen in months. the lost crusades, my marine and benyamin, uncle doughnut and derranged(ssssh...haha). i just wish we didn't live so far apart from each other, but i guess thats life. just know that i miss you all terribly.
MAY 15th,2010..... mountain cleanup! Water comes on and everything!!! WOOOOO : )i hope to someday own that house and if not that house then some land and ill build a little cottage, just to keep the good karma going. when i'm up there, i really do feel at peace. i don't miss him as much because i just feel him around. fires and being under the shelter. late nights and drinking. good music and wonderful friends. my throat is burning from fighting back the tears, lol. then again i could blame my red eyes on the hour of earlyness. weird thing, people are just getting here... WHY?!?!? go the fuck to bed! you should have gotten here at 11 so you could be leaving by now!
i'm done with the rant.
i just find myself emotional again. anything could tip me over, its weird. i always cry on my way home from Philly. there is this one billboard and it says "Lehigh Valley is the number one heart health center, We save lives". i can only tear up and thank god that that billboard is true. i am blessed, we all are blessed. we would all be different without that certain woman in our lives, not just her kids and husband. its truly extraordinary the events those 48 hours were. that whole week actually. just amazing, a true miracle.
i guess i get so emotional because ITS SUCH A BORING DRIVE! haha, and no one will talk to me because i am driving.(BS) and i def. won't text, i know better than that.
our jack was a gift, a life saving gift. that is why he has the biggest piece of my heart, and why i will always be there for him. (burning throat again...)
lighter note, this weekend is Blue and White at penn state. i am going with danielle,kendall and mickey. kendall and mick have never been there and danielle and i can navigate with an entire keg in our systems,hot ass magellans, so we will definitely show them a fun time. good thing its a one night gig, i usually can't stomach two nights there. lol.
well, 2:30 has come and past. i should be getting home, but im highly caffeinated.
im the fresh uncle doughnut. : )
until next time... all my love
ktp.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
i have a countdown : )
well,
i have moved back to philly, and boy was it hard. especially when my mom and kendall were both telling me i didn't need to finish, just stay home, don't go back. oh how i wish i could have. i came back to a slightly clean apartment, no dishes in the sink, and some rotten potatoes (my fault), but other than that, it was a nice welcome. my laundry is still unpacked and will remain that way because moving home is so much closer now : ) i now have to start taking little bits and pieces home because every time i come back i acquire more stuff. how on earth will i get everything home?! im going to need a uhaul. hehe.
i recently was made aware of my acceptance to the nursing prgram back home whih i am absolutely thrilled about. my mom and i can study and she can help me learn everything i need to learn. woo. hard work: ). a good friend of my moms was in the same prgram and she told me the ins and outs, who to watch for and who to suck up to. it was a nice little heads up. this will most definitely be the most challenging thing for me but i'm excited. 2 years and then ill be working and making money!!
the weather here is finally nice today. the sun is out, people don't look as pissed off, and i'm only wearing my little red sweater. what a nice feeling. no longer wet, stuffy, and cold. it's amazing how a little sunshine can pull you out of a funk. they do say its natures prozac.. totally get where they are coming from now. haha.
this past weekend i spent with my friends at the Scranton St. Patty's day parade, which has now become a total shit show for the U. lets see, i saw a guy get hit by a car, a guy get arrested, a girl throwing up on a yard, people having sex with their clothes on and lots of weird costumes. one being a girl in a green tu-tu. that was the best. we spent the night at my friend sammy's house and right now he is hating his girlfriend so he is extra funny. when he and kendall get together they are unstoppable with funny comments and looks. our other friend Rev followed kendall around and literally laughed at every word out of kendall's mouth. not to mention kendall scored him a black DPS shirt, which everyone was quite jealous about. sam was being a bitch and wouldn't leave his house to go to the parade so we set out. me kendall danielle mickey paul and steph. after 10 minutes the others wanted to go home so we told them to go. kendall and i stayed and saw a couple friends. he saw his friend "stoned kid", (yes, name is literal), and introduced me he was funny and cool. i saw a couple people from high school, waved, and went on my way. got some fresh cut steak fries. every float/guy/kid that was in the parade with candy i was waving frantically to. i got candy for myself, then for the kids next to me. i figured i was blocking all chances for them to get some candy. ha. next year i'll be 21 and will get to go to bars, which i WILL make an event on facebook. seriously. hope you all can make it. turns out Scranton's parade is the second largest in the country! WOOOOOO = ]
so now nicole and i are counting the days till we are done here and home for summer... a couple days ago it was 54 days total and 39 class days left. ill figure it out again later.
this summer is going to be exceptional. dave matthews in hershey in july, some florida action with the crew in august, nursing classes will begin, im going to sell my car and get a jeep. yes, you heard me. A JEEP : ) i will not take NO for an answer this time, i'll be spending time with my jacky boy and family, nana will be home, missi graduates in june, i turn 21 the 27th of july... yesss : ) no more running from the cops and hiding under beds or in closets ; ) some cabin action with kendall and his friends somewhere in there, buying curtains with my mom for the kitchen and her bedroom lol, ill have a clean room the whole time (hopefully), i would like to spend more time with my dad now that he is not working nights anymore, oh and did i mention i'll be 21? i also want an ireland trip in there somewhere(maaaaaa) lol. i want to spend as much time as possible out and about doing things, i feel like this is my resolution list, hehe i want to take pictures again and not get yelled at... lol have have have to renew the gym membership by the 26th of march, because they are dropping the balances that i have due! $200. haha woops ; ) by, all is well right now. everythig is settled. missi got into college, i got into nursing school, jack is speaking better every day, everyone is fine. so no worries there worry wort.. time to relax.
i have moved back to philly, and boy was it hard. especially when my mom and kendall were both telling me i didn't need to finish, just stay home, don't go back. oh how i wish i could have. i came back to a slightly clean apartment, no dishes in the sink, and some rotten potatoes (my fault), but other than that, it was a nice welcome. my laundry is still unpacked and will remain that way because moving home is so much closer now : ) i now have to start taking little bits and pieces home because every time i come back i acquire more stuff. how on earth will i get everything home?! im going to need a uhaul. hehe.
i recently was made aware of my acceptance to the nursing prgram back home whih i am absolutely thrilled about. my mom and i can study and she can help me learn everything i need to learn. woo. hard work: ). a good friend of my moms was in the same prgram and she told me the ins and outs, who to watch for and who to suck up to. it was a nice little heads up. this will most definitely be the most challenging thing for me but i'm excited. 2 years and then ill be working and making money!!
the weather here is finally nice today. the sun is out, people don't look as pissed off, and i'm only wearing my little red sweater. what a nice feeling. no longer wet, stuffy, and cold. it's amazing how a little sunshine can pull you out of a funk. they do say its natures prozac.. totally get where they are coming from now. haha.
this past weekend i spent with my friends at the Scranton St. Patty's day parade, which has now become a total shit show for the U. lets see, i saw a guy get hit by a car, a guy get arrested, a girl throwing up on a yard, people having sex with their clothes on and lots of weird costumes. one being a girl in a green tu-tu. that was the best. we spent the night at my friend sammy's house and right now he is hating his girlfriend so he is extra funny. when he and kendall get together they are unstoppable with funny comments and looks. our other friend Rev followed kendall around and literally laughed at every word out of kendall's mouth. not to mention kendall scored him a black DPS shirt, which everyone was quite jealous about. sam was being a bitch and wouldn't leave his house to go to the parade so we set out. me kendall danielle mickey paul and steph. after 10 minutes the others wanted to go home so we told them to go. kendall and i stayed and saw a couple friends. he saw his friend "stoned kid", (yes, name is literal), and introduced me he was funny and cool. i saw a couple people from high school, waved, and went on my way. got some fresh cut steak fries. every float/guy/kid that was in the parade with candy i was waving frantically to. i got candy for myself, then for the kids next to me. i figured i was blocking all chances for them to get some candy. ha. next year i'll be 21 and will get to go to bars, which i WILL make an event on facebook. seriously. hope you all can make it. turns out Scranton's parade is the second largest in the country! WOOOOOO = ]
so now nicole and i are counting the days till we are done here and home for summer... a couple days ago it was 54 days total and 39 class days left. ill figure it out again later.
this summer is going to be exceptional. dave matthews in hershey in july, some florida action with the crew in august, nursing classes will begin, im going to sell my car and get a jeep. yes, you heard me. A JEEP : ) i will not take NO for an answer this time, i'll be spending time with my jacky boy and family, nana will be home, missi graduates in june, i turn 21 the 27th of july... yesss : ) no more running from the cops and hiding under beds or in closets ; ) some cabin action with kendall and his friends somewhere in there, buying curtains with my mom for the kitchen and her bedroom lol, ill have a clean room the whole time (hopefully), i would like to spend more time with my dad now that he is not working nights anymore, oh and did i mention i'll be 21? i also want an ireland trip in there somewhere(maaaaaa) lol. i want to spend as much time as possible out and about doing things, i feel like this is my resolution list, hehe i want to take pictures again and not get yelled at... lol have have have to renew the gym membership by the 26th of march, because they are dropping the balances that i have due! $200. haha woops ; ) by, all is well right now. everythig is settled. missi got into college, i got into nursing school, jack is speaking better every day, everyone is fine. so no worries there worry wort.. time to relax.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Searched and Found Giveaway!! : )
http://thesearched.blogspot.com/2010/03/giveaway-kokosh-knitting-and-jilly_02.html
Enter for a chance to win a cute knitted hat : )
Enter for a chance to win a cute knitted hat : )
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
light bulb.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBO6_u6Mb6s&feature=PlayList&p=B5EFFB3C42B7FE30&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3
i like the part where he takes the light bulb and swings it out over the audience. before i die, i will see them in concert.
i like the part where he takes the light bulb and swings it out over the audience. before i die, i will see them in concert.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
yes, i rode the short bus.
last night i had two dreams that i can remember. the first was ,well i totally just lost it completely. the second one (technically the first) was that my uncle jimmy bought me a short black bus. like short bus "special" bus. i feel i can call it this because i rode one, with special people. my mom said it was because the bigger ones could not fit in my drive way to pick me up, i really hope she was not lying. and i really really hope i'm not living like truman. like people are watching me write this blog but laughing at me because i actually thought of it but they know i will just dismiss it. like now.
anyways, short black bus was purchased from a dump like parking lot and then all of a sudden people just started popping out of no where to laugh at me. like allie downing... wtf?! so instead of crying like i would have done in the real world i started dancing.
like a weirdo.
walking like an egyptian and doing the hold your nose sgwiggle down like a go- go girl and twist your hips but not too sexy from the 40's. put my arms in front of me and moved them up and down. the point of it was that no one was dancing like normal. it was just what came out at that moment.and everyone was dancing like this.
so then all these people from my high school and my uncle and everyone i knew just started dancing but we were all in a couple single file lines. we would dance to the end of the parking lot then turn around and go back. i couldn't tell you what the song was but it really was awesome. then at the end of the dream my mom looked at me and said i guess this is what you will be driving to bonnaroo. Its a sign.
an absolutely true event in my mind this dream was!
i think its a great idea. i'll buy an old bus and drive it to tennessee. wooooooo.
this bus is not short but it looks to be on its way to a good time. or maybe already there.
anyways, short black bus was purchased from a dump like parking lot and then all of a sudden people just started popping out of no where to laugh at me. like allie downing... wtf?! so instead of crying like i would have done in the real world i started dancing.
like a weirdo.
walking like an egyptian and doing the hold your nose sgwiggle down like a go- go girl and twist your hips but not too sexy from the 40's. put my arms in front of me and moved them up and down. the point of it was that no one was dancing like normal. it was just what came out at that moment.and everyone was dancing like this.
so then all these people from my high school and my uncle and everyone i knew just started dancing but we were all in a couple single file lines. we would dance to the end of the parking lot then turn around and go back. i couldn't tell you what the song was but it really was awesome. then at the end of the dream my mom looked at me and said i guess this is what you will be driving to bonnaroo. Its a sign.
an absolutely true event in my mind this dream was!
i think its a great idea. i'll buy an old bus and drive it to tennessee. wooooooo.
this bus is not short but it looks to be on its way to a good time. or maybe already there.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
breathing my wish.
i have returned from a wonderful holiday at home with my family and friends. i wished everyday i did not have to leave them and come back to the drama that i am living in, but i have returned. my apartment is now segregated once again. three on one half, three on the other. terrible. the one half is childish. stealing things, hiding things, vandalizing. the one girls boyfriend stated he HATES the one roommate on my side. she now has to lock her door whenever she leaves. he is here all the time. this is the boy that punched his own girlfriend while they were on a pretty bad acid trip and knocked her tooth out. i lock my door when i go to sleep.
the bad guys are supposed to be outside, not in my house. haha.
while home, i applied to the community college nursing program and had to take an entrance exam. i took it once and was short 5 points of getting in. i took it again for the last time and i am praying to everything i got those points. if i didn't, i am really really screwed. more loans, more money for my mom to pay. just plain bull shit. i hate it. i just want it all to be over so i can make money and pay everything back. so, my fingers are permanently crossed and i am constantly wishing with every breath.
this weekend is Kendall's birthday and i am very excited to cook him dinner and get him a cake. i will be inviting his mom down to join us so it should be a great night. not many people, but he did say he did not want a party. hmm... he won' go out for dinner because he thinks i will make the restaurant sing to him (which i would do) so, i'm making him burgers or a steak. not sure yet. then the following weekend we are going to see a couple of his favorite bands down here in philly. i bought the tickets last weekend so we should have a good time. i am really excited about that.
that's about it for now. i posted a quote that i liked and i feel it fits me for my life right now. even though things are messy and i keep FUCKING up, there is a reason behind it. i am not the only one that believes that. it's just a tough spot right now, not knowing how to get your life in order when you are too stupid to help yourself. i'll keep my head up, fingers crossed, and breathing that one wish. because i really did try my hardest.
Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
the bad guys are supposed to be outside, not in my house. haha.
while home, i applied to the community college nursing program and had to take an entrance exam. i took it once and was short 5 points of getting in. i took it again for the last time and i am praying to everything i got those points. if i didn't, i am really really screwed. more loans, more money for my mom to pay. just plain bull shit. i hate it. i just want it all to be over so i can make money and pay everything back. so, my fingers are permanently crossed and i am constantly wishing with every breath.
this weekend is Kendall's birthday and i am very excited to cook him dinner and get him a cake. i will be inviting his mom down to join us so it should be a great night. not many people, but he did say he did not want a party. hmm... he won' go out for dinner because he thinks i will make the restaurant sing to him (which i would do) so, i'm making him burgers or a steak. not sure yet. then the following weekend we are going to see a couple of his favorite bands down here in philly. i bought the tickets last weekend so we should have a good time. i am really excited about that.
that's about it for now. i posted a quote that i liked and i feel it fits me for my life right now. even though things are messy and i keep FUCKING up, there is a reason behind it. i am not the only one that believes that. it's just a tough spot right now, not knowing how to get your life in order when you are too stupid to help yourself. i'll keep my head up, fingers crossed, and breathing that one wish. because i really did try my hardest.
Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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