Friday night

Friday night. 10:30. And I'm alone. The perfect relationship I had for one year and 4months ended a couple nights ago via phone call. It wasn't a surprise, we both knew it was coming but still, the pain and sadness this brings to me is terrible. We both had changed inside, just I could no longer make him happy. Just a genetic flaw with him and me, a die hard optimist, became exhausted. To wait all day for a phone call and when it comes and he sounds miserable I asked myself why do I even get excited? I brought something out in him that brought out all his regret. (bad or good I have not decided, I'm leaning towards bad). I guess this came out because I let him do what he wanted. I never tried to control him or tell him to do something with me. I was selfless. I listened to his music, gave up scary movies and even ate his scrambled eggs. Which is a big deal to me. And I did those things because I wanted to. Because that's what love is. Give and take. Sacrafice and compromise. He now feels he has missed everything important in his life and because I asked him to have an idea of a job for life I pressured him and made his life feel over. (this is not the reason as why it ended)He has to just live the day and that's it. He wants nothing to do with thinking ahead. I suppose it was for the best and this happened for a reason but still, my poor little heart. I can't have the words "are you okay?" or "it will work out" without my bottom lip quivering and the back of my throat catch fire. So I try to act normal and strong but god is it draining. I just miss the normality of being with him. But, I'm fine. My momma bear has taken good care of me and nana bird and thank god for nursing school. Thank god for coffee runs and giggle fits. Thank you god for my little jack. Thank you barnes and noble establishment and thank you again coffee runs. Oh, and I bought a mouthguard for sleeping purposes. Today marks the day of the rest my life as a single weirdo. Lol. ( I know, I'll be fine). I'll be back soon. I'm going to boil my mouthguard into shape. And yes, I am aware things could be worse. I know. It could be so much worse.