this one's for you = ]

I also have a food story flaming june,
My first attempt on cooking burgers on the grill. Now, i am deathly afraid of blowing up in some freak accident due to a grill or a gas stove. Probably due to the fact that in our old house we had to light the pilot light when we wanted to use the oven. i wanted cookies in the worst way. i turned the gas on and tried to light the lighter... a couple times. ThenWOOOSHHHH... fire ball. sweet. in my head i'm pleading " please please please, let no one have heard that". not likely. my stepdad Andy came running into the kitchen and said it smelled like burning hair. sweet again. the hair on my arm was totally gone and half of my eyebrow and my EYELASHES. what?!!? i am the freak accident.
back to the story now that we have the premise. burgers on the grill was a scary task to me let alone, they were for my pop. shit. the fire is blazing, i also had to push the button and light the grill. my brain " FUCKK%$^()*$# HOLY SHIT. WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE".
"compose yourself stupid".
"get the meat put it on the grates" he says,
- " HAH, funny, i have to put my hand in the fire?!?!??!?!" my head again.
"Ok pop", my voice cracked.
meat goes right through the grate onto the charcoal.
"it's OK, try again"
- steady your hands ass hole my brain is loudd.
one successfully makes it to the metal and another and another. i had about 6 on the grill and then it was time to flip.
When he said" flip", it echoed in my head like it would in a movie.
spatula, check. flames of death, check. freshly grown hair on arm for it to devour, that's a big check.
i lost three more.
he must have been starving, he usually had patience with me but he just slid in front of me and said good job and took over.
- my head is crying. screaming" you idiot it's just food. he hates you!!!"
Not as successful as you flaming June, but He never yelled.
i would have thrown up if he did.
...still a great memory even though i failed.
i can now cook burgers, just a little better, just for him.

so crossroads, where do i go?

So,
been busy with school work and such. i just have to say that i went home a couple weekends ago and it was absolutely perfect and much needed. spent time with my little bro jack and sometime with dankle and mommy. missi was in a haunted house as an actress. she was very good. she even incorporated making fun of me in her little skit. it was pitch black and i knew my face was terribly red. haha.
its now time to decide what the hell i am doing with my life. if i don't get into the nursing program here at temple what do i do? do i stay and change my major? do i transfer yet again? or should i just go home and stick out two guaranteed years in nursing at a community college?... (that i was already a student at)
please shoot me.
have i again wasted money? i swear, i'm such a fuc* up. i'm busting my little butt to do well here. i really need good grades. i have a 3.3 gpa right now and they are accepting people with3.5. after these two semesters it will all be decided. what to do what to do.
i miss my pop. he never would have let me go here. or even go away in the first place. i would be at PSU right now most likely. always regretting not doing what i wanted. probably still with the ex though. not cool. i guess its in my stupid blood to make all the wrong decisions before i make one right. i'm happy i'm here in philly. i always said i wanted to live here. everyone has such a cool style and what not. i'm still trying to get mine back. so,crossroads,where do i go?
I have some decisions to make.

Outsies = ]

i recently went out with my girl friends to a toga party somewhere off campus, (Which, is not a good idea). Anyways, it was a toga party that 200 hundred people were invited to via Facebook. Sure bet the cops would show up and bust it. (they didn't) i did get in an argument with one of the guys there. he was giving me shit about being in front of the TV for the boston baseball game. i asked him to ask me nicely to move to the side and he refused. so i blatantly stood there taking up as much room as possible. screw him. pissed me off. haha

my two best girlfriends came to visit me from their other colleges and we drank and took crazy pictures took forever to get ready and did not leave my apartment until about 11pm. We did not wear Togas, and made fun of everyone who did. The girls that had the party looked really cute but everyone else looked simply ridiculous. I will attach a couple pictures of my crazy night.

NOWWWW, the night before this happened was the first night I decided to venture out for a night on the town with one of my roommates. Well, turns out, the house we were at got robbed and we decided to hunt down the girl that stole from us. We found her on a corner off -off campus and cornered her. Well, the police came, we had all been drinking, and the police asked if we were temple students. We said yes and they just up and left. WHAT?!?!??! so we took it into our own hands. screaming at her, one girl turned her back, and the robber girl tackled her to the ground. my roommate ripped her off by her shirt and hair(weave) and slammed her to the ground. then another girl (on my side) jumped on top of the robber girl and choked her and screamed some profanities that i won't repeat now. hah.

good times.

anyways, one girl got her camera back but the other girl, who was very sweet, did not get her I-pod back so it was an upsetting night. after everything was settled, i walked home, recapping what had happened with my roommate. What an awesome start to not being afraid of this school. I sometimes wonder why I am here.... of all places to be. I am here.

right now, I am lying in bed in my room with all of my roommates just chatting about everything. It is nice. We all bond over stupid things like foods we like and situations with friends and boys and this feeling reminds me why I am here. I am here to make long-lasting friends and to get an Incredible education. just keep telling myself that.

all i want to do is be home with my family. My boy. My jack. my mom and sister and nana. i want to eat normal food again. i want to work and have money. i want to sleep in my room and not worry about anything. i just have to keep telling myself that this is what i wanted from the beginning. just keep telling myself that. ill whisper it to myself before i fall asleep tonight, and hopefully, ill wake up stronger.

the first picture is kendall and myself. i really do love him. i cant wait to have a life with him. i am working towards becoming a nurse, which is what i always wanted to do in life. and to share that with him will make me totally happy. i love him. i love saying it. haha

the second picture is myself. hello ; )

the third picture is a funny one. my best friend is danielle. who is the crippled on the ground after ti punched her in the nose. i thought this was hilarious and would not let it stop me from jamming. as you can see from the incredibly fabulous hair flip. i later apologized after i knew what i did. oops.

thats all for now. i ll update when something radical happens to me again.

OHHHH ps. i met Blake Mycoskie. for those of you who do not know this man, he is the creator of Toms shoes. This man vows for every purchased pair of these shoes, one child will receive a pair. the one for one program. its wonderful and inspiring. i wish i had the guts to do something great. i have ideas, just don't know how to get them to work. he started in Argentina, and then later moved on to other countries and is now onto 100,000 pair of shoes fro shildren around the world. Keep going Toms!!!!! hopefully, those who may read this will be inspired as i have been. go forth and be the change. keep the peace. here you go.... enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ8c5QWsCRQ

Life I guess.

So,

my best friend Kellie is studying abroad in the UK. I am extremely jealous of her. I have been to england once before but I felt I did not enjoy it the way I wanted. I am gracious that I was able to go on such an elaborate trip and I enjoyed every second of it. It was full of history and bus tours to different parts of the country. But Kellie is touring the pubs and river rafting and being a young adult in a far away place. Something is appealing about this to me. I feel as if I will never get there in my younger years. The next few years are jam packed with school and I will be getting the crappy schedules at work. Being the new nurse. I'll be wiping butts for at least a year. I have no problem with this, for if I did, I am wasting a LOT of money.

Anyways, traveling the world was one of my dreams. The fact that she gets to do it and still GO to school is just really beating me up inside. Not to mention my other best friend will be spending the spring semester in AUSTRALIA! I just can't catch a break. I am truly happy for them. They are living life to it's fullest, as am I, just in different ways.

I took this survey on Facebook and it's random questions about people you are friends with. One of my questions was if you were to die tomorrow, what would you do today? I said I would spend my time with the people that mattered most to me. I would empty my bank account, rent out a bar, and just party and scream and laugh and sing and dance with my family and friends.

My uncle left me a comment on how he would be right there next to me, singing his ass off. He has been sober for 16 years, and said he would sit next to me on the day I was dying and drink coffee and eat cake until he was sugar high, and sing his ass off. That is love. That is truly why I would rather spend my time with family then go out somewhere. When it comes down to it, family is what made you the person you are today. My uncle is a strong man. His father was a strong man. And this has left an amazing impression on me because I am a strong woman.

I would never pressure him to drink again because it would kill him. Not the drinking, but the failure. I could never live with myself if I took that pride away from him. He deserves every ounce of it. He has worked for it. He has worked for 16 some odd years.

Welcome.

Well hello everyone.

I am truly grateful I have worked up enough courage to start to write. I have been keeping up with a few people's blogs and it seems to really help heal the soul. I feel that many people enjoy writing to express feelings of sadness or loss. Others pure happiness and love. I plan on writing of both.

I suppose I will get on with it then...

Me: I am 20 years of age and living away from home. As of about 6 months ago, this was what I thought I wanted. A new beginning that I thought I could not find at home. Well, fate kicked my butt on this one. A college junior should not know who they wanted to spend the rest of their life with, but I do. I fought against it as hard as I could have, but to no avail. I found that someone, randomly, one spring semester at a community college before I was leaving for a new school, 2 hours away. I did not want anything like this, and either did he. Bad relationships, for both parties. Being hurt deep within the heart. We had an understanding of each other. Neither wanted a serious relationship, just something to ease back into the reality of dating and new loves.

[Serious] would be an understatement. Nothing but wonderful. I see myself marrying this man of mine. More of a man than anyone I have ever been with. Truly wonderful, how happiness fell into my lap. What do they say? The things we are not looking for but long for always find us at the worst times... something like that.

Mom: Three words.

One Amazing Woman.

My mother; beautiful, smart, caring, and honest. Many things we all hope to achieve in life when we all "grow" up. Some people say they never want to turn into their mothers. I would love to be just like her. She cooks with no fear. No recipes. Comes up with it off the top of her head. A top chef. Weird. Compassion for many. A teacher. A member of the zipper club. A (survivor]. An astonishing listener. A mother. A little too honest. A Best Friend. A sister to 3 brothers. A spitfire. My awesome mother. And most of all, independent. Perfection. Great qualities to possess in this world today. Where did she learn to be this way?....

NaNa* Four words.

The Original Amazing Woman.

Nana bird: a widow. a true half to her soul mate. High School sweethearts they were. Through thick and thin never doubted there love.

I want a love like these two love birds had. I'm not saying what the had was not easy. But they loved each other enough to work. Work hard. Through ever trial that tested their will and love. They succeeded. Though her soul mate no longer walks on this plane, he is with her [and us] everyday. I am grateful to have this wonderful lady in my life. My original roommate. We kept each other company after [his] passing. Truly mended the heart a little bit, I like to think I helped. [i hope i did].

Another woman with no recipes. Although, a little more hesitant when it comes to "winging" it. A true craftswoman. Perfect helper for late homework projects. Those stupid shoebox displays on silly books. She always strived for the [ A ] and got it. {thanks again}

An example of a strong woman. Took her life into her own hands and did what she needed to do in order to be happy. I envy her courage. I could only dream of being as strong as she is. If I were her, my Nana, I never would have left. The memories in the home they grew to love for so many years. The clothes he wore everyday, the shoes, the silly robe. Would all still be out, If I were her.

but i'm not. ... yet

My sisi ; ]

a true person. worries about small and silly things. then again. i worried of all the same things. high school. the END of the world when someone bad talks you. FACT: no one is ever the same after high school. FALSE: you are always going to be the person you were in high school. you decide who and what you will make of yourself. i have come to accept that it does not matter how you get your dreams, or how long it may take, just as long you achieve them. She will in time, learn this. Just as i have taken many years to fully comprehend and accept this FACT

My Jack[]

A beautiful achievement of how it does not matter how long it takes to achieve a dream. A sweet savior on this earth. a tangible, cuddly, warm, witness of a miracle. This bundle of happiness and chaos saved my amazing woman, my mother. Someone obviously knew this little boy would change the world someday. Many times over. He has already done this. I'm just waiting for the world to be affected.

.