i'm still here....

i am oh so sorry for leaving my trusty blog for so long. i have been so incredibly busy with school i dont even have time to do the simple things. i guess i knew this is how it was going to be... hah

i am now in my obstetric rotation of school and absolutely love it. it brings me to tears every time i walk on that unit. to think of all the happy moments that happen there every day makes me believe in one more day, to forget all the pain and sadness in the world. i could truly see myself working there for the rest of my life. with those women who just completely give themselves to this little person growing in them. its simply fantastic. such a beautiful thing to even think about, that there is such a love out there. my mom experiences it everyday, my nana. any mother has a certain "love" for her children. one, that if i even try to fathom it, it makes my head spin and my eyes tear up. i get to see that every thursday for 12 hours straight. i dont notice anything else going on in the world. i am completely wrapped up in their lives, creepy? i think so. a tad. but still.

my first laboring patient was sweet and totally accepting to having a student in the room. Which doesnt happen all that much. she was in with her boyfriend. her third child but their first. i sat in that room from 0730 to when that baby was born at 1745. haha we chatted and laughed and watched tv...until the labor kicked in. i held her hand, reminded her to breathe and just kept telling her all this would be worth it. it cam time for her epidural and she experienced pain so the doctor refused to give her the meds (ass hole). so shes now 8cm dilated and screaming. pissed too. her boyfriend is nervous and just talking about nonsense things and he admitted to me he had ADHD so his thoughts get a little sidetracked. she gave me permission to tell him to shut up at times and to "reel" him back in. i would say "alright, contraction is coming go hold her hand and be quiet". he would go to say something and i would reply "shush". until the contraction was over then i would let him talk again. haha. so maybe about another hour goes by and shes complaining of a lot of pressure. I go get the nurse and tell her. she comes in and tells her that pressure is normal and its just the baby on his way down. and leaves.

shes now screaming in pain and i peek under the sheet... oh hey theres a BABY!!!!
i run out into the hallway.. " I NEED A DR STAT!!!!!!" the nurses station explodesss... papers and nurses are everywhere. About 10 in the room with me. there was no dr readily available and that baby was determined to come out! he finally got to the room and was barely dressed when the baby made his entrance to the world! she was screaming and i just kept telling her to squeeze my hand and bear down. haha
thennn... the boyfriend looks at me and says "allie, im going down."
"STOP! look at me. breathe. breathe. breaaatthheeee..... hold my hand, hold her hand... a couple more pushes and your done".

And out came baby boy! she kissed me and cried and thanked me. it was truly a wonderful moment in my life. DEF top 10. ill never forget it.

so, yes. i would do this for the rest of my life.

this summer i will be working for Geisinger hospital in Danville PA on the Cardiac Care Unit as an extern. and i am SO thrilled to have this opportunity. so exciting! yayyy.... but this will truly be an intense working experience. ill be commuting about 90-100 miles a day and all different hours. but this is worth it. up until i did my rotation in OB, the CCU was where i thought i wanted to be because of my mom. i loved how the whole unit worked together and kept such a close eye on each and every patient. i hope that one day ill be that great of a nurse and i really hope i can change someones life like those nurses did for mine.

Danny is doing what he does in the desert, 9 hours ahead of us and like 4 billion miles away. ive sent some letters and packages and hopes he enjoys them. some cigarettes and jerky. nutella and baby wipes. talk about appreciating the small things in life. i only hope that i could be as brave as he is at some point in my life. to give back in such a huge way would make me the happiest person on the planet. i miss him everyday. and think about him even more. and pray harder than usual. and believe in him the most. i believe he will return safely home.
i love him.

ktp